Sirius Guilt
by alwaysholdingontostars
Summary: Sirius is getting worse and Remus is unhappy with him. Somehow Severus Snape gets involved in trying to fix the problem in his own way. Sirius finds himself attracted to Snape while still hating him. He accepts "help" from Snape because he needs something to ease his pain and misplaced guilt. Dubious consent. Contains spanking and sexual content. M/M
1. Chapter 1

Severus Snape emerged from the fireplace in 12 Grimmauld Place's kitchen to sounds of a struggle. The house was much quieter now that school had started and all the children were gone. Snape was already in a foul mood and late for the Order of the Phoenix meeting. As the dust cleared he whipped out his wand at the noise but quickly stopped in his tracks. Remus Lupin and Sirius Black were struggling by the door. Lupin was trying to physically push Sirius further into the kitchen while Sirius was struggling to free himself.

"Get out of it Remus. I will hex you!"

"No, you're not going" Remus snapped.

Thoroughly confused and unnoticed by the pair Severus waved his wand and an invisible barrier forced the two men apart. They both looked around in shock. Snape regarded them silently for a moment noting that Sirius had two wands in his hand so he silently disarmed him for good measure, snatching them out of the air.

"Hey! Stay the hell out this Snivellus" Sirius growled.

Keeping his face calm and impassive Severus responded lazily "Does one of you want to tell me what caused this adorable little love spat?"

The silence stretched tensely. "Sirius has been drinking, again" Remus spat bitterly. "He doesn't ever stop drinking"

"Well I assume Black doesn't have much else to do with his time." Snape smirked eyes cutting to Sirius. Sirius let out a strangled sound as he struggled against Snape's spell which held him in place.

"He's not going to the meeting drunk again, making a fool of himself" Remus insisted.

Severus shrugged "If it is Black's wish to continually prove to everyone how worthless he is who are you to stop him?"

"Severus" Lupin said pleadingly now "I can't stand by and watch him do this to himself, he can't make a fool of himself and a mockery of the Order. Not while I'm around to witness it. I'm also very late to give my report to Kingsley and Dumbledore." He said exasperated. He chanced a glance at Sirius who was staring at him in shocked fury.

Severus grimly tossed Remus his wand lifting the spell. "Go" Severus said quietly " _I_ will take naughty Sirius to his room"

"You will fucking not" Sirius yelped but looked at Remus as he said it "Remus!" Remus ignored the outburst looking tired.

"Thank you Severus, I will tell everyone you got held up" he turned to go.

"Remus if you leave me here with him our friendship is over" Sirius yelled.

"Silence Black" Severus said waving his wand Sirius found he was unable to speak.

Remus' shoulders slumped "It's for your own good Padfoot" he whispered and then turned and left the room sadly.

Severus crossed the room to red faced Sirius. He grabbed the other man by the bicep he lifted the spells and turned on the spot apparating them upstairs into Sirius' room. He blinked in the dim light looking around curiously at Sirius Blacks' childhood bedroom, his eyes settled on the muggle women clad in bikinis and he snorted. Spells now lifted Sirius stumbled towards Severus not quite sure what he would do when he reached the man he just felt blind anger. The furthest he got was grasping Snape's' robes with his one hand before Snape had him by the shoulders slamming him against the wall and pinning him there.

"You are drunk and wandless Black. It would be wise to watch yourself, particularly around me who harbors no fond feelings for you."

Sirius tried to push Severus away from him for several long moments. Being physically close to someone even if it was Snape was not something he had felt for a very long time, when had Snape gotten so tall? When had his shoulders gotten so broad? He was confused. He definitely still hated Snape but he was also attracted to him.

"Stupid git." Sirius grimaced; he was frustrated drunk and powerless to Snape at the moment. To his horror his eyes were filling with tears, he slumped, the fight gone out of him.

Severus watched Sirius give up and he grew curious he drew his wand and delved into Sirius' mind just a bit. "That's a lot of guilt Black" he said blandly when he pulled back.

"Get out of my head" Sirius began to struggle again but Snape had brought all the thoughts he had been trying to suppress to the surface. "Remus, Harry…. James… Lily" he hiccupped swaying in Severus grip, he was letting them all down, it was all his fault.

"Let me help you" Severus said looking at him still with the curious expression.

"Let you help me? Ha! you would sooner help me off the side of a cliff"

"Let's just say what I have in mind will be helpful to you and not unenjoyable for me" Severus smiled almost sinisterly "I could also help you with that erection too if you would like. I know that you've thought about me." He bluffed the last part it was just a suspicion. He had seen Sirius looking at him over the past couple months with dislike which was not unusual and something else too.

Sirius blushed and gaped at Severus. "What?! you…no…I…" he spluttered making Severus' smile turn more triumphant before it was replaced with a determined look.

"I've always thought you needed someone to take you in hand. You always did just as you pleased, no one ever told you no, or if they did you went ahead anyway, getting away with murder. Now look at you overindulgent, lazy, and incapable of self-discipline." He looked at Sirius coldly. "So full of self-pity and how pathetic, a drinking problem."

Sirius couldn't bring himself to disagree he swallowed the lump in his throat. "Do you consent to letting me help?" Severus asked sharply. Sirius blinked at him he was suddenly feeling very sober. "Black." Severus barked.

"Yes" Sirius gasped out, anything to make this feeling stop. Severus nodded curtly. He waved his wand and the door locked and a silencing spell was cast on the room though Sirius didn't know that. Sirius watched as Severus crossed to the bed and sat removing his outer robe and sitting on the bed.

"Come here" he said sternly. Sirius almost refused the apprehension made his stomach turn over he thought Severus would us legilimency again but he forced himself to take a few steps towards the other man.

"Remove your clothes" Severus commanded.

"Wh-what, why? No." Sirius paused, surprised.

"I've always thought you were a naughty little boy in need of a spanking"

Sirius' eyes widened "No- you're not doing _that_ , let me out of here, you're sick-"Severus cut him off.

"You don't think you deserve it?" he asked curtly. "You treat Remus very poorly, you set a bad example for your godson, and you don't take care of yourself."

Sirius paused stock still staring at Severus. "The longer I have to wait on you the worse it will be" Severus threatened.

Sirius whimpered fighting an internal battle. Being a the mercy of his old school enemy seemed foolish but a part of him wanted to hurt, he wanted Severus to do his worst, maybe letting go of all control could erase some of the guilt he carried. His feet carried him within Snape's arm range.

"I am still waiting for you to obey me" Severus said sharply.

"Have you no concern for my modesty" Sirius snapped back.

Severus scoffed "What modesty? My memory is quite good you used to flaunt your body as much as you could. Always strutting around the baths without a towel and skinny dipping in the lake. You wanted people to look at you." Sirius blushed again. Keeping his eyes firmly locked on Severus he jerkily yanked off his robes and shirt stepping out of his shoes and pulling off his socks throwing everything to the side angrily. He undid his trousers yanking them and his pants off and tossing them defiantly aside too.

"Happy you sick pervert?" he said aggressively to cover his own embarrassment especially at his half hard member.

Severus regarded him "We will add that little tantrum to your list of transgressions. "Kneel here." he said pointing to the floor between his legs. Sirius knelt and Severus took both his wrists in his hands holding them on this lap. "Look at me" he demanded. Sirius looked up into his black eyes and almost shivered.

"The drinking is going to stop and you're going to be better if not for yourself for Lily Evans son." Sirius' expression became questioning, he had forgotten Snape had once been friends with Lily but Severus interrupted his thoughts releasing his wrists.

"Over me knee" he commanded.

"No, I'm not a child…"

"Stop arguing with me" Severus hissed seizing Sirius' left elbow and guiding him up and over his left thigh, Sirius' torso resting on the bed his feet on the floor. Severus rested his hand on the pale white behind squeezing one cheek his fingers biting into Sirius' thigh he then ran his nails across this skin slowly.

"How does it feel to be bare bottomed across my lap like a badly behaved child?" he asked snidely.

Sirius was glad Severus couldn't see his flaming face at that moment, his dick was now fully erect from Severus' touch and he involuntarily shifted around it was grinding into Severus' thigh, a moan escaped his lips.

"Are you enjoying yourself Sirius?" Severus asked amused.

"No. you're humiliating me on purpose" Sirius managed to choke out.

"hmm" Severus hummed "I think it might do you some good." He brought his hand down sharply on Sirius bottom and Sirius gasped. Severus silently began spanking quickly and efficiently. Sirius tried to remain silent too but eventually he began to make soft noises of protest which turned into pleas. "Ohhh-kay-ow- ah- please- Snape- that – ow-AH- hurtsssss!"

"It's supposed to hurt you little moron, and it's going to be much worse before we are done" Severus paused and Sirius was breathing hard he felt relief and tried to stand.

"We are not done." Severus snapped. He summoned a book from the dresser and transfigured it into a wooden hairbrush. Sirius craned his neck to see what Severus was doing. He started to struggle in earnest.

"No. No! You aren't hitting me with that!" He tried to stand again but Severus trapped his legs under his right leg and brought the hairbrush down extra hard. "OW! Fuck." Sirius bellowed.

"I would think that you would understand that compliance is key if you want this to end any time soon Black" Sirius was taking gulping breaths. Severus began spanking again now with the brush. Now Sirius was yelling and cursing, wiggling in earnest. Then he began to cry, sobs wracking his body. He suddenly reached back his right arm trying to shield his behind from the brush's onslaught. He felt Severus capture his wrist.

"Reaching back is very naughty Sirius, open your hand." Sirius shook his head silently, crying, so Severus slammed the brush down where Sirius' thigh met his bottom. Sirius jerked violently and cried out. "Open. Your. Hand. "Severus repeated. This time Sirius did and Severus brought the brush down smartly twice on his open palm. "You do not reach back" he said icily and then pinned the captured wrist to the small of Sirius' back he went back to working on Sirius' behind. A few more moments and Sirius had gone limp on his lap just crying.

"I'm soreeee" he wailed and Severus paused. "What are you sorry for?"

"I'm sorry for drinking all the time and taking Remus for granted and not being good enough for Harry" all of this was difficult to get out while crying but he managed.

"Good" was all Severus said he brought the hairbrush down a couple more times before tossing it aside, letting Sirius catch his breath over his lap, he released his hold on Sirius' legs but Sirius made no attempt to move. Severus unthinkingly began rubbing the bruised cheeks in front of him.

Sirius' crying had stopped but he was growing uncomfortable again as his cock re-hardened under this now tender touch. Severus feeling Sirius' predicament return reached under with his other hand grasping Sirius. "Do you want this?" he asked quietly. "mmmph" came the unintelligible response but he pretty much thrust into Severus' hand. It was short lived Sirius was spent quickly. Severus quickly cleared up with a wave of his wand. Sirius slid backwards off of Severus' thigh kneeling between his legs again. This time he rested his head on Severus thigh, a few tears still sliding down his face, he was completely exhausted, his face a mess.

Regaining some composure He reached for the fly of Severus' trousers.

"What are you doing" Severus asked sharply.

"I thought you wanted to…." Sirius started, he thought Severus would expect to finish as well.

"Not tonight" Severus snapped Sirius was looking quite pathetic.

"But?" Sirius began to question.

"Are you really still arguing with me? Do you need to go back over me knee?"

Sirius shrank back "N-no. Sorry." He averted his eyes.

Severus conjured a handkerchief handing it to Sirius he stood and pulled his robe back on. Standing he gave his final decree "You will clean yourself up and go to bed. Tomorrow you will apologize to the werewolf and if I hear that you're still abusing alcohol this conversation we just had will seem like a walk in the park" Sirius was looking down at the floor. "Am I understood?"

"Yes" Sirius felt about 2 inches tall.

Nodding curtly Severus swept from the room. Sirius was still for a long time unable to comprehend the nights' events and what it meant for the future but later that night he slept more soundly than he had in years.


	2. Chapter 2

(Taking place during OOTP. SS and SB are 35 if I did my math right. They look older to me in the movies and I generally prefer the book version and my own imagination.)

Sirius guessed he was disappointed? Was that the right emotion? Maybe he was just horny. Severus had quickly left the meeting again without a backwards glance. Of course Sirius had spent the last two meetings trying to be as far away from Severus as possible though he was unable to control what he hoped were covert glances at the other man. His face burned at the mere thought of their last encounter. It seems he was doing a lot of embarrassed blushing these days, something that had never afflicted him before.

Sirius was in his room pulling off his sweater lost in thought when he heard a sharp knock at his door. Surprised and wand not in hand he opened it only to be pushed roughly back into the room by an angry Severus Snape.

Severus started in without warning. "You will stop staring at me at the meetings." Sirius was too shocked to answer he had no previous indication that Snape had noticed at all. "I wasn't… I didn't mean…" Severus cut him off. "Why don't you just ask me for what you want?" Snape's eyes glittered.

Severus was gripping his arm tightly. Seeing Sirius in just a t-shirt and no sweater or robes made Severus see how thin he was these days. He hadn't had much capacity to notice two weeks ago. He felt a flash of annoyance at this. How dare Sirius continue to be so pathetic, he was working so hard to not feel an ounce of empathy. If he was really being honest with himself it was already too late for that. "You're far too skinny" he snapped "Are you eating?"

"Yes" Sirius said startled into giving an answer rather than a rude retort.

"You're lying"

"Why do you care?" Sirius was incredulous

"I do not want to feel as if you will break in two whenever I have my way with you." Severus stared straight into Sirius' eyes challenging.

Sirius' mind raced with possible rebuttals, his head cocked slightly to the side "I think you care Severus. About the order, though you pretend to be put upon the entire time. I think you care about Harry because of Lily and here you are in my bedroom again. I think all the hatefulness is just an act, I think you prefer to be disliked."

Sirius saw the flash of movement and heard the loud slap before he felt the sting blaze across his left cheek. He slowly touched his hand to his burning cheek looking at Severus from under his eyelashes he couldn't help the small grin that began to spread across his mouth. 'Touched a nerve' he thought smugly.

Severus was glaring at him "What I prefer is for you to be naked and on your knees. You have 30 seconds to find something more useful to do with your mouth than spouting nonsense"

Sirius' grin faded and Severus was sure this was it. Sirius would definitely throw him out and that would be that. He still couldn't quite reconcile this Sirius with the one he had known at Hogwarts.

But Sirius gestured to the nearby armchair stepping further into Severus space. Severus backed away and sat not knowing what to make of the hungry look in Sirius' eyes. He tried extra hard to keep his face either stern or impassive. Sirius quickly knelt between Severus' legs forcing them wider. He unbuttoned and unzipped his fly pulling out his manhood. Using his hands and mouth he did as Severus had requested. Severus gripped the arms of the chair and tried to remain silent as he watched Sirius Blacks' pretty mouth on his cock.

Sirius pulled away "So you prefer me naked? How much do you think about me naked then?" he asked smirking. "Was it a lifelong fantasy fulfilled two weeks ago when you got me out of my clothes?"

"Do. Not. Speak." Severus ground out. Then Sirius did something particularly salacious and Severus forgot to breathe for a moment.

"Why can't I speak?" Sirius asked with faux innocence noticing Severus' agitated state.

"Because you're a little pain slut, you'll do as I say or you'll get nothing from me." This declaration would have had the desired domineering and insulting effect if it hadn't been followed by a gasp.

"Stop" he ground out and Sirius sat back on his heels. With every ounce of self-control he possessed Severus stuffed himself back into his pants.

"Ask me for what you've been after for two weeks." He said to Sirius.

Sirius looked away so Severus reached down grasped his chin firmly. "Look at me and ask me for it Sirius."

When had they started solely using first names? Sirius mused but he met Severus' eyes "I want you to fuck me" he said quietly but steadily.

Severus almost smiled. "Ask me nicely."

Sirius wrapped a hand around Severus' wrist as if to yank the hand holding his chin away but didn't, he swallowed. "Please Severus, will you fuck me? Pretty please, with cherries on top."

Severus complied and Sirius would admit that it was wonderful. He was surprised though, surprised by the underlying tenderness. Of course Severus was rough with him per their unspoken agreement but he felt something shift between them.

Afterwards as they both lay catching their breath and basking in the afterglow Sirius unthinkingly grasped Severus' forearm. Severus flinched and Sirius let go quickly. "There will certainly not be any cuddling or anything of the sort" he said sitting up and putting some distance between himself and Sirius.

"I didn't mean to, it's just your skin is so warm" Sirius was starting to get really embarrassed but he went on. "The whole time I was in Azkaban I was without warmth and the touch of another person. The only thing I could feel was cold. I'll never take it for granted again"

Severus just stared his face unreadable to Sirius but inside he felt sick to his stomach, ignoring the empathy was not going to be an option anymore.

Feeling a bit awkward Sirius stood and crossed naked to the dresser. He took his time pulling out pajamas.

"I'm going to shower I trust you can find your way out the same way your found your way in"

Sirius intended to walk naked to the bathroom hoping Severus would watch him go but a hand on his waist stopped him. Severus had managed to get his trousers on, he was still bare chested and Sirius' eyes slid downward on their own accord.

Sirius was clutching his clothes. Severus' fingers were digging into his right hip and he reached his other hand behind Sirius' head, fingers tangling in his hair he pulled Sirius' head back gently. Severus' face was so close to his own that Sirius thought for a few wild moments that Severus might kiss him.

"No more staring at me during the meetings. And I'm serious about you eating. You don't want to displease me"

Severus let go before Sirius could think of a response. He reached around and landed a sharp slap to Sirius' bare ass. Sirius' body jolted in response. He scoffed but didn't respond. He turned and continued to the bathroom shutting the door between them his mind was even fuller than it had been earlier that day.

Severus did in fact watch Sirius' slow walk to the bathroom. He was mostly admiring the perfect red handprint on Sirius' pale behind and wondering what the hell he had gotten them both into it.


End file.
